Update

So I am really horrible at keeping this page updated. PLEASE check out my caringbridge page that has a journal where I have done a MUCH better job of keeping up on things. But for those that don’t know, here are some highlights:

• June 3rd- Started bleeding again
• June 6th- Major Ultra Sound, we found out we are having a girl

• June 22nd- 3 official weeks of absolutely NO bleeding at all, not even brown
• June 23rd-26th- Kent Hutchings’ reunion Jason and I were in charge of. I was permitted to go from Dr. Beatty
• June 27th-July 2nd- Jason at Scout Camp (important cause he missed the next 2 things)
• June 27th- Started bleeding again
• June 29th- Hospital visit for contractions that lasted 5 hours, but stopped as soon as I went to the hospital.
• July 6th- Another big Ultra Sound and cute pics of baby Beaker
• July 12th- 9th wedding anniversary, didn’t even see each other that whole day.
• July 24th- More bleeding, went to hospital since Dr. Beatty said to after 24 weeks, everything ok, released right after.
• July 29th- Found out Jason was getting demoted at work and we were going to loose ½ his income, very disheartening and hard
• Aug 1st-5th- Jason in LA (important cause he missed the next thing)
• Aug. 2nd- Worst bleeding yet and admitted into hospital
• Aug. 2nd-4th- Hospital Stay, released when bleeding went back to ugly nasty brown. Diagnosed as having Chronic Abruption (meaning my placenta doesn’t want to stay attached and will keep coming off, don’t know when it will completely come off)
• Aug. 17th- Big Ultra Sound again, not much was found, things seem ok.

• Throughout Aug and Sept- Bleeding every 4-5 days, but not bad enough to go to hospital. Beginning to be a regular thing
• Aug. 30th- Started twice a week testing at hospital. They monitor baby and measure amniotic fluid to make sure she is not in distress and placenta is still working normal.
• Sept. 2nd- Missed sister’s wedding in Mesa AZ and her reception next night, whole family was there except me.
• Sept. 10th- Able to attend sister’s wedding reception in Elk Grove and spend time with her and hubby
• Sept. 15th- (yes tomorrow), Jason will have colonoscopy to see if we can figure out his bowels

And, the most important thing, I am scheduled for a c-section on October 25th. My doctor nor I think I will make it that far, but if nothing else, I will definitely be done with my pregnancy by then!

The Pregnancy Roller Coaster . . .

Well, I REALLY have needed to update this blog for some time now. Since we had such a difficult time getting pregnant, Jason and I assumed that once we were pregnant, everything would be “normal” and we would be able to enjoy the pregnancy. As you can tell from posts below, it didn’t start off that way, nor has it continued that way either.

On April 6^th, I went to my regular OB, Dr, Beatty. We had a really good visit and she put me on restricted work and pelvic rest. This was due to the fact that I still hadn’t stopped “bleeding” (bleeding by the Doctors is described as anything besides clear discharge, meaning brown discharge is considered “blood”- just old blood). I was ok with restricted work, even though it meant just answering phones. I was just happy that things seemed to be getting better and that I was going to be able to still have some sort of normal life.

Baby Beaker 10 weeks 3 days

So life continued for few days normally (or as normal as pregnancies go) with me being nauseous but STARVING when I wasn’t nauseous, and work going according to plan.

It didn’t last long though. On April 10^th, I started bleeding A LOT again, just like the time on March 13^th. This being the second time, we were not as worried, but still frightened. We went and saw Dr. Beatty on April 11^th (since the 10^th was a Sunday) and she showed us cute Beaker again and put me back on complete bed rest.

Baby Beaker 11 weeks 3 days

So I have been on bed rest for 7 ½ weeks now (I am now 4 months pregnant or 18 weeks). At first we were hoping that I would be released when I hit 14 weeks hoping that Baby Beaker was big enough to hold the placenta in place and prevent it from bleeding. Unfortunately that date came and went. We found, however, that part of my placenta is over my cervix. It is just the very small end part, and we were hoping it would “move” (they don’t really move, the uterus just grows bigger) out of the way as well, but it still has not as of my appointment yesterday. The Dr says it may not really “move” until week 28, so we will just have to wait and see. It is close enough, though, that I will probably have to have a c-section regardless, they will definitely keep an eye on it and make sure I am good to deliver naturally.

Baby Beaker 13 weeks 2 days

The nausea subsided at about 12-13 weeks, though after my second bought of bleeding, I have had no appetite (in fact most days I have to remind myself to eat, I have no interest in eating- hence have only gained 4lbs on bed rest). I still have weekly appointments with Ultra Sounds. This is primarily to make sure there are not any larger bleeding areas and to make sure Beaker is still happy. We do not get pictures every time, but enjoy the ones we do get. I love seeing him wiggle (most days he is wiggling, occasionally sleeping) and hearing his fast heartbeat!

Most of my days are pretty normal. Normal consists of me feeling fat, not having any issues, and for the most part (just recently) not having any bleeding at all. I enjoy these days and try my hardest to make sure that I am doing what I need to in order for Beaker to grow the right way. I have TONS of stuff still to do, and I keep myself fairly busy. I still try and walk around the house, but do not lift anything, or stand for too long (the longest I stand is taking a shower when I actually wash my hair). I don’t make any meals but have become very proficient at heating up hot pockets or leftovers from the fridge. I drink about 96oz of water a day, and therefore have to use the bathroom a whole lot more than before.

I still have some pretty bad days. At first, those days where when I had more bleeding than usual. Then for some reason, I started cramping a lot more. I have some days where I cramp all day, and sometimes it will even keep me awake at night. These are cramping, though, and not contractions. The doctors think it is from the uterus STILL trying to get the old blood out, the placenta moving over my cervix, or even Beaker kicking my cervix and causing cramping since he has been breach since week 13. I did stop bleeding completely for 1 ½ weeks, only to start with LOTS of brown blood again this past weekend.

On good days, I think there is an end to this whole ordeal and that I still might be able to enjoy a “normal” pregnancy at some point. In fact, there are days I feel completely normal! On bad days I think this will never end I am get prepared for the whole pregnancy being on bed rest (which my Doctor has already requested off work for me). I try and think positively most days, and it usually works, but there are still bad moments, hence the roller coaster ride.

I have been very blessed to be surrounded by a wonderful family who has stepped in WAY above and beyond what we were hoping for. They have come weekly and straightened the house, helped with laundry, made a meal, washed the dishes, and twice now, have even super cleaned my house (the way that I like it-lol). For the first few weeks, we didn’t hear anything from our ward and assumed that we were on our own. Finally, we (and my parents) asked for help. Since then, we have been super blessed to get dinners once or twice a week (usually) and some people have even been kind enough to help with dishes mid-week. The thing that I have enjoyed the most, however, is the fact that people come over and visit. I miss people SOOOOOOOOO much. At work, I was used to seeing 50-100 people a day. Now I am stuck at home and usually only have the computer and phone as means for communicating. So I LOVE having people over to visit. It makes my days feel so much better (and also gives me a reason to get dressed).

My husband has been my lifesaver through this all. I am amazed at how he has stepped up and assumed all responsibility for everything. He is not perfect, but most days I am not going nuts at the clutter and disarray that usually accompanies our house. He does an amazing job of remembering to feed me (even when I forget) and makes sure that I am taken care of when he is gone (since we only have one car right now and I am not really supposed to be driving by myself anyway). He is my superman! He even remembered and sent me flowers on Mother’s Day form him and little Beaker. Those made me feel so special! He is also so willing to give and find others to help give priesthood blessings. These have made such a difference during this time. On days when I am ready to throw in the towel and cry forever, these blessings and reassurances from Heavenly Father keep me sane.

Other than that, my pregnancy is going normal! I have now officially grown out of all but three pairs of stretch exercise pants and now have to wear pants above or below my bump (I no longer really have a waist line). On Saturday this past week, I was able to feel Baby Beaker for the first time! I have pretty much felt him every day since then, but realize it is still very early and I need to be patient. I know that the next few weeks and months will go by faster than I think they will, and I just need to be patient and rely on the Lord. For now, I will just continue to ride this “Pregnancy Roller Coaster”!

Baby Beaker 17 weeks 2 days

Beaker's profile. Huge head- gonne be smart-LOL!

Beaker waiving "hi"! His head is to the far right, then fat body, the cute lil legs. The arm closest to the bottom is the one that waived. We are SOOOOOOO in LOVE!!!

8 week 4 day check-up was PERFECT! I am released off bed rest, and return to work on Monday! We had to share these REALLY cute pictures of Beaker with everyone. He is finally starting to look like a baby.

(And no, we don't know if it's a boy or not, just call it that since it is better than calling it an "it")

Mixed Blessings

To begin, I hope there is nothing in the email that would lead anyone to believe that we are ungrateful for being pregnant or for anything that has happened to us. We have grown and learned something with each thing that has happened thus far. We are so blessed and thank Heavenly Father every day for this opportunity right now.

So right before our first Ultra Sound, I was not feeling very “pregnant” . In fact, I even had some pretty weird pains on my left side. The day before the Ultra sound, I even had some spotting that caused tremendous panic and tears on my part, but we had decided we would go forward with faith no matter what and that things would work out the way that Heavenly Father wanted them to.

So after the success of our first Ultra Sound, I was soooo happy. Jason stated that I was the happiest he had seen me in a long time. It felt like nothing could bring us down, and that we were going to be successful!

Well, this past Sunday (3-13-11) was probably the worst day yet. While I was at church, I started bleeding very bad. Immediately Jason and I went to the fertility clinic. We were told that the baby was still alive (and we were able to see it’s heartbeat again). We were relieved, but also discovered that there was still a 50/50 chance of miscarriage. They put me on bed rest and said to come back on Wednesday to find out if the baby was still doing what it needed to.

So begins my bed rest . . .

Wednesday, my mom went with me to the apt cause Jason was in Fresno making money while I wasn’t getting paid. At the very start of the Ultra Sound they found a large blood clot on the back side of my uterus between the baby and the uterine wall. The baby was still alive and heartbeat had increased (like it was supposed to) and it was growing. BUT, I was still worried, and so was the doctor, especially when he found a second blood clot near the front of my uterus.

So he put me on bed rest until my next appointment on March 25^th. This is to make sure that things are okay. The clots, he states, might have happened as my placenta was trying to attach to the uterine wall. The clots can dissapate (the best scenario) or stay there my entire pregnancy. If they stick around, I could have continued bleeding for up to 4 months (or even longer).

I have looked online and found that they are called subchorionic hematoma (or SCH). You can read a little more about it on this webpage: http://www.justmommies.com/articles/subchorionic-hematoma.shtml. As you can tell, there is no real prognosis or cure for these, I just have to wait it out. I am unsure if my OBGyn will treat me or if they will refer me to a prenatalogist (specialist for pregnancy complications). I am in the “wait and see” stage of everything, and starting to go nuts J

Bed rest is not so bad. I like being able to get some things done (like this blog for instance), things I wouldn’t normally have time to do. BUT, doing them all in one place or one position is kinda frustrating. I still have MONTHS of things I can work on, but I keep reminding myself to relax and enjoy the time that I am not working first, and take some time each day to walk around the house just to get blood flowing through my legs (not fast or a lot, most of you know we have a small 700sq foot condo, so not a lot of room to walk-lol).

So here is to more BED REST and moving forward with Faith that everything will work itself out.

WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!

I guess it has been a little while since I have updated this blog and should probably start off with that statement. We found out on Jason’s Birthday (best birthday gift ever- I’m never going to be able to top this one). It was confirmed a week later that I was truly pregnant. Exciting time!

We need to thank all the people that have contributed so much to this success. It is such a miracle that we were even able to get to this point. We cannot believe all the love, all the support and all the help that we have received. We feel so blessed that we have been surrounded by those we love during this time. Our prophet of our church reminds us to be grateful, and I cannot express my gratitude enough for everything that I have been given. But there is no way any of this would be possible if it weren’t for our Heavenly Father. We know that it is through him that we have been so blessed.

I am going to save the scary moments for my next post called mixed blessings. However, there has been many fun and exciting moments that I need to share in this post.

Since we did In-Vitro, we were able to have an Ultra Sound at 6 weeks to find out how many babies we were pregnant with. So on March 11^th, we were able to see our little ONE (yes only one baby). We are actually very relieved that there is only one baby as if we had had more, it would have been overwhelming. We are at peace with the one baby and feel blessed to even be pregnant with one.

Beaker 6 weeks 4 days

(Side note, several people have asked what happened to our second embryo that was implanted. They don’t know, probably my body absorbed it back. I am not concerned about it.)

Our little baby Beaker is perfect in our eyes. We were very lucky to not only see, but hear the heartbeat (very few people are able to that early) which was 122bpm. He is so cute, ok, not really. He actually looks like an alien. We have had a few more Ultra Sounds since then (see post above as to why) and he is still growing strong. He was up to 9mm in size and the heartbeat was up to 148bpm on Wednesday 3-16-11.

Beaker 7 weeks 2 days

Again, I need to thank everyone who has continued to pray with us, fast with us, cry with us, and still be there 100% behind. There is no way we could ever pay back the blessings we have received this year, we just hope that one day we will be able to help others the way we have been helped.

This most recent post will be some of my feelings throughout this whole process. This process has been long, hard, taxing, stressful, and every other emotion we could probably fathom. Several people have asked how we are doing. It is easiest to state “we are doing good”. It becomes a part of our vocabulary, part of a natural response to the question. But what does good really mean?

Good for us has several different meanings. But mostly they are wrapped up in what is going on with In-Vitro. Unfortunately In-Vitro isn’t the only thing going on in our lives right now. Work has its good days and bad. My OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) has moments when I just can’t let things go. There are days when Jason is traveling for work and I miss him so much (or I don’t miss him at all), church takes time away from everything we have going on as well. But when people hear “good”, it usually means that things are moving right along with In-Vitro. Things are not too overwhelming, we have done everything we need to; we are putting all our faith into the process.

Most importantly through this whole process, “good” means that we are surviving. This has been the hardest thing either of us have ever had to do. We look back on our missions for our church and realize that even though they were difficult, we have never been put to the test like this before. We feel so blessed to be members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and have the knowledge that Heavenly father is there for us. When we say “good” it means we haven’t given up on nightly prayer together to make it through the next day. It means we have tried to put all our fears aside and have decided to move forward with what doctors are telling us. It means that we are somehow figuring out a way to pay for all this and still have enough when the baby comes to deal with life in general. It means that above all, we feel your love and support and know that we have HUNDREDS of people praying for us, thinking of us, and hoping that we are successful.

We are so grateful for this opportunity we have right now in our lives to be experiencing this. We want to thank everyone for all your love and support and hope it will continue regardless of the result and into our future. We are grateful for our friends who care so much for us and want to be a part of our lives.

To you all, we say we are doing “Good” and hope you understand!!!

I wanted to post on the blog a calendar of what has been happening and will be happening so people understand how much goes into this process. This post does not include any of the outcomes on these, please check out our Caring Bridge page for that. It includes all my feelings during the whole process, how we dealt with the outcomes, how difficult it was to come up with the money, etc. I hope though, that this list gives a small glimpse of how long the process if from the first testing until I am transferred back to my OBGyn. And this does not include anything prior. Have fun and enjoy:

· November: Hysteroscopy ($300), Sperm Survival Analysis ($200) (where they went inside me and found polyps), blood work ($200), Ultra sound (for 30 minutes to make sure everything is ok), taking Birth Control (BC)

· December 8^th- Surgery to remove the polyps ($200)

· December: Collecting money and sending out emails (still taking BC)

· January 7^th: Apt with Nurse to get trained on when to give shots, go over whole schedule, and order medications

· January: Order Medications ($2900 total)

· January 21^st: MONEY DUE ($10,200)- everything from this point on is covered in that money

· January 21^st: Start Lupron shots (to suppress system so it doesn’t release my eggs too early)

· January 24^th: Last day of BC pill

· January 28^th: baseline apt (including Ultra Sound) and more blood work

· January 29^th: start stimulating hormones (2 separate shots) and decrease Lupron, but still taking- start dexamethasone (steroid) so I don’t have an allergic reaction to the medications

· Feb 3^rd: Blood work

· Feb 4^th: Blood work, Urinalysis, Ultra Sound

· Feb 5^th: Blood work, Urinalyisis, Ultra Sound, special HCG shot at exactly 8:30pm

· Feb 6^th: My one day of freedom from shots during the whole process!!!!

· Feb 7^th: Egg retrieval, start antibiotic

· Feb 8^th: start Progesterone shots (daily until week 8 of pregnancy)

· Feb 10^th: tentative Embryo transfer (3 days total bed rest), start vaginal suppositories until week 8 of pregnancy

· Feb 12^th: Embryo transfer if not on Feb 10^th

· Feb 20^th: First blood draw for pregnancy test, they just freeze and do not test

· Feb 22^nd: Second blood draw for pregnancy test, they will run both tests- WE WILL FIND OUT IF IT WORKED!!!! Happy Birthday to Jason!!!!!

· March 2^nd: More blood work to make sure my body is producing the correct hormones

· End of March/Beginning April: First Ultra Sound and finding out how many babies we are going to be having

· Beginning of May: Transfer back to my regular OBGyn